From: The United States Government - Department of the Interior
To: Code Name: Santa Claus
Re: In Regard to Yearly Unregistered Aviation Activity
Security Clearance: Classified
Mr. Claus:
The government of the United States realizes that December 25 is fast approaching. We would once again like to remind you of some of the regulations you may encounter.
First, the Association of Air Traffic Controllers once again requests that you file your flight plan. In the past your craft has come up unexpected on our radar and the radar of unsuspecting pilots. While the United States government is aware of your craft's ability to make sudden maneuvers, the greater aviation community has mistaken your vehicle for a Unidentified Flying Object in the past. In order to save the government countless hours of time of filling out paperwork, we request that you file a flight plan with the AATC prior to December 25.
In addition to filing a flight plan, we would once again like to take this opportunity to remind you that the air space over Washington, D.C. is restricted airspace. While we recognize that the nature of your work is to promote good will toward man through the giving of gifts, National Security takes precedent to such ventures. If you feel the need to deliver gifts to those in the first city, we suggest that you take the necessary measures to do so via ground shipment. The United States Postal Service will happily accommodate your needs. USPS does not except hazardous materials, firearms, liquids or explosives. Once again, if you are spotted over the restricted airspace over Washington, D.C., you will be shot down on sight.
Finally, we would like to address your takeoff and departure from site code name: North Pole. While the Cold War is over, NORAD and other first alert programs still remain in operation around the polar region. In the past, harmless objects have been mistaken for nuclear weapons and have almost caused nuclear escalation. For the sake of future generations, we once again request that you register you flight plan, so that there is no possibility that your craft is mistaken for a nuclear strike. The levity of this issue is unsurpassed.
Once again, thank you for your cooperation.
Sincerely,
David Holcolm
Department of the Interior
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